Mid-Life Crisis?

The woman at the web forum was talking about her mid-life crisis, evidenced by her sudden and irrational yearning for a red sporty convertable.

My mid-life crisis is being answered very practically, in going back to school, in giving way to latent ambitions and longings.

ROME is my “red convertable.” I hope to be there in less than three years, studying, not just being a tourist visiting all the touristy spots, but really living there in a little apartment, shopping in local markets, cooking – the whole nine yards.

I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone, I believe. There’s the inner knowledge that there’s only one man in the world for me, and recent events cause me to question my vision of him, make me wonder whether he is only a beautiful construct of my imagination – and I know I’d not be satisfied with less than I saw him to be. Better to be alone than “bound in chains of law to one I loathe.” (thanks, William Blake, for that wording) –

Meantime, I live out my midlife crisis by ordering some clothes in online outlets and buying three new pairs of shoes to support my poor falling arches – LOL – and wearing perfume even when I’m home alone and splurging on a sweet variety of flowers at the Fresh Market this week because I know I need them for my very spirit, and wearing skirts and tops to work this week, not the slacks and plain and practical tops I’m accustomed to wear because they’re so “practical.”

My new glasses proved their worth as I was driving home from Raleigh, last Tuesday, the day I picked them up. The anti-glare coating is an extravagance, but it was raining and nasty, and I could really tell a difference in how things looked and felt and my fatigue level (from squinting and being tense) was hugely reduced.

It’s slow going, but I really am enjoying this life revision process very much. Since receiving the notice of the nullity of the marriage to The Fairie Prince, I’ve enjoyed a new decisiveness about myself – an ability to walk into a room, target an item (say, certain clothes I’ve been wearing for ages, or the hairdryer Rusty had before we were married, or even the broken stereo that only plays radio any more) and say “This has GOT to go!” – no prevaracations, no guilt for the extravagance and impracticality of the decision… just relief and joy.

I’m learning this new computer – will take and download some journalling type photos soon.

Gosh! it’s good to be me!

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